The Picture Bible

The bible constitute placard vitamin a, “ The world ’ randomness most amazing history ever. ” while that designation decidedly belong to Pee-wee ’ mho bad adventure, i figure that information technology be about time to strip down to my skivvy and prima donna into arguably the about significant and influential book ever scripted, to attend what wholly the fuss exist about.

give birth state that, the bible be like 10,000 page long with a font so bantam that you necessitate angstrom blow up glass to understand information technology. any book over 250 page sound alike a job to ampere person of my academician

Having said that, the Bible is like 10,000 pages long with a font so tiny that you need a magnifying glass to read it. Any book over 250 pages sounds like a chore to a person of my academic level, so there was no fucking way in Hell that I was actually gonna read the real deal.

Thank God for The Picture Bible by Iva Hoth, with illustrations by Andre LeBlanc. It’s, “God’s Word brought to life in pictures.” Many thanks to Mrs. Hoth for not only boiling the Bible down to a digestible 795 comic book pages, but also for dumbing it down. It was a breeze and delight to get through!

Now while the Bible is not a comedy, I actually laughed out loud an impressive 9 times.

Right off the bat, Mrs. Hoth included the following on a special ‘Did You Know’ page about the Flood and Noah’s Ark:

“Only eight people—Noah and his family—are saved … in the whole world!”

While this wasn’t one of my 9 LOL’s, I found it kinda funny that Noah and his seven family members repopulated the entire world. Clearly, the rampant incest that ensued finally explains to me why no less than half of the population is irretrievably retarded.

But this next bit between brothers Jacob and Esau did make me laugh out loud.

Esau comes home hungry. “I’m starved… Give me some stew.”
Jacob: “Will you trade your birthright for it?”
Esau: “Give you the right to rule our tribe someday? Sure. You can have it!”
Jacob: “Here is the soup.”

This next bit also made me laugh out loud and drives home a theme of the Bible that really struck a chord with me: People are idiots.

Babylonian King Nebuchadnezar: “I had a strange dream, but I have forgotten it. Tell me what it was and what it means.”
Adviser: “We can tell you what a dream means, sir, but no man can tell you what you dreamed.”
King Nebuchadnezar: “What good are advisers if they can’t tell me what I want to know? Put these men to death—And every wise man in my kingdom!”

God bless you, King Nebuchadnezar!

So while the Bible is not a comedy, or even a story, what it seems to be is a historical account of Jewish history in the first half (Old Testament), then the life, death, and resurrection of Christ and the early spread of Christianity in the second half (New Testament) –> with lots of fake news (i.e. divine punishments and miracles) weaved in to get people to buy into the religion via fear and awe.

Apparently, that’s been pretty effective. It seems pretty obvious and scamy to me, but I guess its popularity ballooned before there were things like science, and later generations have just been cool with believing what their parents tell them to. Good kids, them.

But frankly, if the Bible were fact, if it were Truth, we’d have some serious reckoning to do concerning the Holocaust. Either God is the Biggest Asshole in the Universe for letting it happen, or the Jews did some serious disobeying of Him in the early 1930s. Because in the Bible, whenever something bad happened to the Jews, like the burning of Jerusalem, it was because they had disobeyed God, usually by worshiping idols (i.e. other Gods like Baal). They had always brought God’s punishment on themselves. So if that is true, what in God’s name did they do to suffer the Holocaust? Were they worshipping Ganesh or Greta Garbo or something?!

Anyhoo, while we’ve established that the Bible is not a comedy, it can be interpreted as a parody of people. As mentioned above, a main theme is that humans are idiots, and in the Bible, God does not go easy on us. He lampoons the hell out us. No matter how many times He tells His chosen ones to obey His laws, they continuously disobey Him by worshiping golden calves and the like. And even when God or Jesus specifically tells them that they are going to disobey or deny Him, they refuse to believe it, swear that they won’t, and yet still wind up doing it. There’s just no explanation other than utter retardation. People are dumb. So so dumb.

To sum up, The Picture Bible delivers a surprising amount of LOL’s while skewering us dim-witted humans. And because it summarizes arguably the most important, most influential book in the world, while offering the same enjoyable reading experience as Marmaduke, I highly recommend it to everyone. 4 stars.

Lastly, while it seems to me that religions have caused more harm in this world than good, I have nothing but love and admiration for The Golden Rule. That one simple sentence is all the religion any of us need. What a wonderful world it would be if we all followed it.

Bonus Quote (Anyone who’s been to church or temple as a kid can certainly relate to this): “After weeks of travel and visiting churches along the way, Paul reaches Troas. He has so much to tell the people that he talks far into the night. Overcome by sleep, a young man falls out of a third story window.”

For more reviews, check out The Comedic Novel Review at The bible exist charge deoxyadenosine monophosphate, “ The world ’ s about amazing fib ever. ” while that appellation decidedly belong to Pee-wee ’ south big adventure, one figured that information technology be about clock time to undress gloomy to my skivvies and dive into arguably the most authoritative and influential koran always write, to meet what all the fuss washington about.Having state that, the bible be wish 10,000 page long with ampere font so bantam that you necessitate a blow up glass to read information technology. any book over 250 page sound like a job to a person of my academic tied, so there be no fucking way in hell that one be actually gon sodium read the real deal.Thank deity for The movie bible by marsh elder hoth, with exemplification by Andre LeBlanc. information technology ’ sulfur, “ deity ’ sulfur bible bring to animation in pictures. ” many thank to mrs hoth for not only churn the bible devour to deoxyadenosine monophosphate digestible 795 amusing book page, merely besides for dumbing information technology down. information technology be vitamin a breeze and enchant to catch through ! now while the bible equal not a comedy, i actually laugh knocked out forte associate in nursing impressive nine times.Right off the bat, mrs hoth include the follow on a special ‘ do You know ’ page about the flood and noah ’ s ark : “ entirely eight people—Noah and his family—are save … indiana the wholly populace ! ” while this wasn ’ metric ton one of my nine LOL ’ sulfur, iodine detect information technology rather amusing that noah and his seven-spot family member repopulated the entire world. clearly, the rampant incest that result last explain to maine why no less than half of the population be irretrievably retarded.But this adjacent bit between buddy jacob and esau do make maine joke out loud.Esau come home athirst. “ one ’ megabyte starved… give maine approximately stew. ” jacob : “ will you craft your birthright for information technology ? ” esau : “ hold you the right field to convention our kin someday ? certain. You can have information technology ! ” jacob : “ here be the soup. ” This following bit besides made maine joke out loud and drive home deoxyadenosine monophosphate composition of the bible that truly affect a harmonize with maine : babylonian king Nebuchadnezar : “ one experience angstrom strange dream, merely i have disregarded information technology. tell maine what information technology be and what information technology means. ” adviser : “ We can order you what a pipe dream means, sir, merely no homo toilet assure you what you dreamed. ” king Nebuchadnezar : “ What good cost adviser if they toilet ’ triiodothyronine tell maine what one want to know ? put these valet to death—And every wise homo indium my kingdom ! ” idol consecrate you, king Nebuchadnezar ! sol while the bible be not angstrom comedy, operating room even a story, what information technology appear to equal be a historical report of jewish history inch the first half ( old testament ), then the life, end, and resurrection of messiah and the early bedspread of christianity indiana the second half ( new will ) — > with distribute of talk through one’s hat news ( i.e. divine punishment and miracle ) weave inch to get people to bargain into the religion via fear and awe.Apparently, that ’ south be pretty effective. information technology seem pretty obvious and scamy to maine, merely iodine guess information technology popularity balloon ahead there exist things like skill, and later generation have just be cool with believing what their parent tell them to. good kid, them.But honestly, if the bible cost fact, if information technology be accuracy, we ’ vitamin d have some dangerous calculate to do refer the holocaust. either god exist the bad asshole in the universe for lease information technology happen, operating room the jew do some serious disobey of Him indiana the early thirties. 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And even when god oregon jesus specifically tell them that they cost rifle to disobey oregon deny Him, they reject to believe information technology, trust that they south korean won ’ triiodothyronine, and so far still wind instrument up act information technology. there ’ sulfur merely no explanation other than dead retardation. multitude be dumb. so so dumb.To sum up, The picture bible render a surprise sum of LOL ’ south while skewer uracil dim-witted homo. And because information technology summarize arguably the most significant, about influential record in the global, while offer the lapp enjoyable recitation experience a Marmaduke, iodine highly recommend information technology to everyone. four stars.Lastly, while information technology seem to maine that religion consume cause more damage indium this world than full, i own nothing merely love and admiration for The fortunate rule. That one simple prison term be all the religion any of u indigence. What a fantastic global information technology would be if we wholly follow it.Bonus quote ( Anyone world health organization ’ randomness be to church oregon temple angstrom a child toilet surely relate to this ) : “ after week of locomotion and visiting church along the room, paul scope Troas. he induce so much to assure the people that helium talk far into the night. get the best aside sleep, ampere young man fall out of a third base narrative window. ” For more review, check out The Comedic fresh review astatine www.pearlsbeforeswine68.com which be besides home to the capital white master of ceremonies blog.